Page 17 - Annonce 6

The Monk reached for the package. “Milky, for
sure.”
“Bitter is good for the skin, Monk. Eat bitter. At
least it is better for your face.” I smiled, he took his
share of the box.
We became still as we were so concentrated on
eating chocolate.
“Where did you find this?”
“I bought it. Don’t I have money?”
“You have?”
“You’re right, I haven’t…” We laughed.
We looked at the other neighbors’ balconies. The
ground floor of the opposite apartment was a
tavern, Yakamoz Tavern. It was an old business.
At night, Aegean ballads could be heard. As the
hours passed, Gürses, Gencebay…
On the second floor, Mrs. Sahika was living, it
attracted my attention. She had turned this
concrete jungle into heaven. This balcony had
an appearance of a forest, by just being a tiny
botanical garden.
“What happened to this woman?”
“Why?” He said.
“I think they held her funeral yesterday.”
The Monk became serious, “They held his son’s,
not hers.”
“You’re kidding…” My facial expression suddenly
changed.
The Monk said, “Mrs. Sahika is fine.”
“What happened to her son?”
“I don’t know.”
I hugged my cardigan tighter as I shivered from
the cold. I found the scent of joy in a sip of coffee.
Its warmth spread to my chest so fast that an
involuntary smile appeared on my face. The Monk
looked at me, showed me his coat, meaning if
I wanted to wear it. “There is no need.” I said,
“Coffee is enough…”
16
I turned to the Monk, “Do you know if the boy was
young?”
“He was young.”
“Did you know him?”
“Yes.”
I was a little surprised, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know, I guess I thought you had things to
do.”
I didn’t ask any other questions, didn’t want to
push the limits. I couldn’t understand how he felt
at that moment.
When the priest left, I returned to my room…
I did not like solitude for a very long time. My eyes
were filled with tears while I was having dinner
by myself. When I was alone at home as a kid, I
couldn’t get out of my bed because of fear. I liked
being with people. I loved the sound, the noise,
even the radio crackling. The outside world was
much safer than hearing the voice in my head.
“What is this place?”, “Who are you?”, “What do
you think you are doing?”. Life was confusing,
there were too many questions to answer. I had
accepted that I would never understand life
anyway, and surrendered myself to it.
Then I had to come out of puberty so I had to
pretend to understand life. Although I did not
answer my questions, they were no longer
questions for me. I started falling downhill so I
became so distant from myself as my life was
getting more organized every day.
It wasn’t long ago that I realized that questions
needed to be answered. Being 18 is such a
terrible thing that I’ve always had to act smarter
than the day before. Only to survive in daily life.
I’m still working on these questionnaires.
I cared a lot to get to know people, even more I